It was Monday, December 6, 2010 when I stopped at Dollar General to pick up some chips and dip for Scott's Financial Peace University Class he teaches at our Church. Normally I was prepared and would make something: Cookies, a warm dip, tortilla rollups--SOMETHING besides cheap and boring chips and dip from Dollar General. I had just been so tired for the past few weeks I couldn't get prepared early enough to plan something. While I was at Dollar General I picked up a pregnancy test. It was almost as an after thought, but I just hadn't been feeling 'right' for the past few days.
...Let me back up. I had been on birth control. For the past 2 months I had complained to Scott that they tasted stale and nasty...I even asked him to taste one to see if it was all in my head and he refused....said he didn't want to start growing boobs or anything :)
...Let me back up. I had been on birth control. For the past 2 months I had complained to Scott that they tasted stale and nasty...I even asked him to taste one to see if it was all in my head and he refused....said he didn't want to start growing boobs or anything :)
To get G&K we tried for 3 1/2 years before finally becoming pregnant with the help of a fertility clinic and LOTS of prayers from our Church family.
...SO. even though I had been feeling 'funny', I really, truly didn't think I was pregnant. By purchasing a pregnancy test it was almost a way to show my brain I had no excuse for being lazy and not feeling right. I purchased it more as a psychological tool than for anything else. Ladies you have to know what I mean: You feel sick, for a split second you say "could I be pregnant?" you take a test, it's negative, and all of a sudden you're FINE again! I seriously thought it would be the same way this time. As I was checking out, the clerk said "Good Luck!" I quickly said, "Oh no, it's not for me"....what the heck! I LIED to the clerk! I felt like a goober for not telling the truth, but that is how much I KNEW I wasn't pregnant. How could I be pregnant? NOT praying for a baby, NOT going to a fertility clinic and ON birth control???
When the kids and I got home I actually left the test in the car because I forgot all about it. I rushed inside, handed Scott his oh-so-classy bag of chips and jar of dip and kissed him goodbye for his class. I made dinner for the kids and as I was getting ready to sit down I thought "Hmmm, I think I'll have a glass of kahlua and milk tonight." I got the bottle down, got the milk out and all of a sudden a little thought popped into my head...I remembered the pregnancy test out in the car. Since I had to 'go' right then anyway, I ran outside to grab it. I came back in, went to the restroom and took the test. Anytime I have to go to the restroom in my house it seems EVERYONE has to go, so within seconds, Gunner was on the potty. All of a sudden I glanced down at the test (as I was getting ready to toss it in the trash) and noticed two pink lines. At first I didn't think anything of it, then I panicked. I grabbed the box and sure enough, two pink lines meant you were having a baby. All of a sudden Gunner says "Mommy, why do you have that look on your face?" "What look G?" "that Look, look at you. You look scary, Mommy" So I glanced in the mirror...I DID look scary. My face had warped into some pale, wide eyed monster! I tried to smile and said "Oh nothing Gunner, Mommy is fine!" "No you're not, Mommy. You sick?" Boy oh boy, was I ever sick. And I was home alone...No scott to make come in the bathroom and verify two pink lines....or at least to pinch me and wake me up from my dream.
After that, the next 30 minutes were kinda a blurr. I remember going back and forth with the idea of needing to call Scott ASAP, to not wanting to bug him while he was teaching. I *think* the kids ate dinner and took a bath, but if I had to testify in court, I wouldn't be able to swear to it. Somehow at some point I dialed his phone number and asked him to come home early. Since I NEVER call him during class he thinks someone has died. Through tears I tell him, everyone is fine, and that it's not bad news...kinda. Finally I blurt it out that I'm pregnant and that it wasn't on purpose and that I don't know what we'll do but that I don't want him to divorce me...you know what he does? HE LAUGHS! LOUDLY!!! Like a deep Santa Claus laugh. "DIVORCE YOU???" he says. "YES, because you're going to think I tricked you and got pregnant on purpose and now you will never trust me again." I cried, I sobbed. Finally I remember him telling me to calm down, that he wasn't going to divorce me and that he would be home soon. Then Linzy called. How is it that best friends ALWAYS know when you need them, and call at just the right time? SO I sobbed some more. Told her everything I had told Scott. Then Scott got home, hugged me and told me he would NEVER divorce me, especially over this. He said he KNEW I hadn't been messing up on my pills since he knew how much I wanted to go on my 'dirty Thirty' trip with my girlfriends. (I had already paid for a room at a San Diego resort for a weekend in October with a bunch of girls I had grown up with for our 30th birthday).
By the next day I was good again. I guess I just needed a good cry the night before :)
Life was going great for a couple days, then I started spotting. I called my doctor panic-stricken and thought I was being punished for not being excited from the start. I KNOW that God doesn't punish, but I felt like, maybe I should have prayed more, maybe I should have thanked him more for this amazing miracle he gave to us. My doctor ordered an ultrasound which showed a nice, healthy heartbeat, beating away. Almost on cue, the spotting stopped. A couple days later was my City Christmas party, where I was named Employee of the Year. It was an amazing night and an amazing honor. I was on Cloud-9. First God blessed us with a new baby, I had a healthy family, and THEN I was named Employee of the Year? What a great year. Then I got home and more spotting. Talk about the biggest highes and low's of my LIFE. Scott kept telling me he wasn't worried and that God had given us this baby, he would take care of it. Looking back now, he couldn't have been more right.
...SO. even though I had been feeling 'funny', I really, truly didn't think I was pregnant. By purchasing a pregnancy test it was almost a way to show my brain I had no excuse for being lazy and not feeling right. I purchased it more as a psychological tool than for anything else. Ladies you have to know what I mean: You feel sick, for a split second you say "could I be pregnant?" you take a test, it's negative, and all of a sudden you're FINE again! I seriously thought it would be the same way this time. As I was checking out, the clerk said "Good Luck!" I quickly said, "Oh no, it's not for me"....what the heck! I LIED to the clerk! I felt like a goober for not telling the truth, but that is how much I KNEW I wasn't pregnant. How could I be pregnant? NOT praying for a baby, NOT going to a fertility clinic and ON birth control???
When the kids and I got home I actually left the test in the car because I forgot all about it. I rushed inside, handed Scott his oh-so-classy bag of chips and jar of dip and kissed him goodbye for his class. I made dinner for the kids and as I was getting ready to sit down I thought "Hmmm, I think I'll have a glass of kahlua and milk tonight." I got the bottle down, got the milk out and all of a sudden a little thought popped into my head...I remembered the pregnancy test out in the car. Since I had to 'go' right then anyway, I ran outside to grab it. I came back in, went to the restroom and took the test. Anytime I have to go to the restroom in my house it seems EVERYONE has to go, so within seconds, Gunner was on the potty. All of a sudden I glanced down at the test (as I was getting ready to toss it in the trash) and noticed two pink lines. At first I didn't think anything of it, then I panicked. I grabbed the box and sure enough, two pink lines meant you were having a baby. All of a sudden Gunner says "Mommy, why do you have that look on your face?" "What look G?" "that Look, look at you. You look scary, Mommy" So I glanced in the mirror...I DID look scary. My face had warped into some pale, wide eyed monster! I tried to smile and said "Oh nothing Gunner, Mommy is fine!" "No you're not, Mommy. You sick?" Boy oh boy, was I ever sick. And I was home alone...No scott to make come in the bathroom and verify two pink lines....or at least to pinch me and wake me up from my dream.
After that, the next 30 minutes were kinda a blurr. I remember going back and forth with the idea of needing to call Scott ASAP, to not wanting to bug him while he was teaching. I *think* the kids ate dinner and took a bath, but if I had to testify in court, I wouldn't be able to swear to it. Somehow at some point I dialed his phone number and asked him to come home early. Since I NEVER call him during class he thinks someone has died. Through tears I tell him, everyone is fine, and that it's not bad news...kinda. Finally I blurt it out that I'm pregnant and that it wasn't on purpose and that I don't know what we'll do but that I don't want him to divorce me...you know what he does? HE LAUGHS! LOUDLY!!! Like a deep Santa Claus laugh. "DIVORCE YOU???" he says. "YES, because you're going to think I tricked you and got pregnant on purpose and now you will never trust me again." I cried, I sobbed. Finally I remember him telling me to calm down, that he wasn't going to divorce me and that he would be home soon. Then Linzy called. How is it that best friends ALWAYS know when you need them, and call at just the right time? SO I sobbed some more. Told her everything I had told Scott. Then Scott got home, hugged me and told me he would NEVER divorce me, especially over this. He said he KNEW I hadn't been messing up on my pills since he knew how much I wanted to go on my 'dirty Thirty' trip with my girlfriends. (I had already paid for a room at a San Diego resort for a weekend in October with a bunch of girls I had grown up with for our 30th birthday).
By the next day I was good again. I guess I just needed a good cry the night before :)
Life was going great for a couple days, then I started spotting. I called my doctor panic-stricken and thought I was being punished for not being excited from the start. I KNOW that God doesn't punish, but I felt like, maybe I should have prayed more, maybe I should have thanked him more for this amazing miracle he gave to us. My doctor ordered an ultrasound which showed a nice, healthy heartbeat, beating away. Almost on cue, the spotting stopped. A couple days later was my City Christmas party, where I was named Employee of the Year. It was an amazing night and an amazing honor. I was on Cloud-9. First God blessed us with a new baby, I had a healthy family, and THEN I was named Employee of the Year? What a great year. Then I got home and more spotting. Talk about the biggest highes and low's of my LIFE. Scott kept telling me he wasn't worried and that God had given us this baby, he would take care of it. Looking back now, he couldn't have been more right.
Here is how we announced the pregnancy to Grandparents and Great-Grandparents on christmas, and then to the rest of the world a couple weeks later:
GREAT blog Lyndee...glad that we can keep up...we are so excited and can't wait for "the warm weather!!
ReplyDeletelove,
~grandma~